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Series: General
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Additional file: 2014-09-28 Dating Culture - Alan Yeater.docx


S. R. Titus 2: 1-8

Introduction

  1. Jesus radically challenged the culture of His day. The typical view and action was challenged and rejected as being less than what God called upon his people to think and do.
    1. For example (Mt. 5:21-24) Jesus dealt not only with murder, but the assassination of reputation, which often led to murder.
    2. Secondly, Jesus not only condemned the overt act of adultery, but also the thoughts and actions that led to adultery (Mt. 5:27-30)
  2. These were not the popular teachings and actions of His first century audience and many rejected this revolutionary teaching.
    1. People are slow to accept new ideas, especially those which painfully require that we readjust our thinking.
    2. Christ’s radical teaching regarding the kingdom of heaven was slow to develop a following.
    3. This is no less true today.
  3. Could you imagine marrying someone you never dated?
    1. Most of the world, now and throughout time has done it that way?
    2. Courtship is very different from the “dating culture of our country and our time.”
    3. The goal and purpose of courtship is to result in marriage, not so with many dating relationships.
  4. The promises, (forever, and only you) we often make in short-term dating relationships, (we call love) but when broken, God calls them lies.
    1. We encourage a different outcome (other than sex before marriage), but we don’t suggest a different practice than the dating culture that led our young people down the slippery slope of immorality.
    2. May I suggest that the Biblical precedent of courtship is a better practice.

Outline

  1. I. Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating
    1. Dating leads to intimacy, but not commitment.
      1. Critical early steps in the bonding process are skipped. (Bonding in Marriage- PPT)
      2. Point of much dating is intimacy without long-term commitment.
      3. It is like having the “icing without the cake.”
      4. As the title of a book by Beth Bailey, From Front Porch to Backseat indicates.
    2. B. Dating often skips the “friendship” stage of a relationship.
      1. Friendship, according to C.S. Lewis, is two people walking toward a common goal.
      2. The dating mentality encourages romance w/out friendship.
    3. Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
      1. 1. “Just because lips have met doesn’t mean hearts have joined.” (p. 36) Kissed Dating…
      2. 2. How a person looks or performs on a date is often the sole basis for continued dating.
      3. 3. When the friendship stage is skipped, lust becomes the common interest that holds the couple together.
      4. 4. Effects of early dating: Why Wait? by Josh McDowell, p. 79
        1. a. “The younger a girl begins to date, the more likely she is to have sex before graduating from high school.”
        2. b. Statistics from a survey of 2,400 teens:
          Age of Dating          % Who Have Sex Before Graduation
               12 years                                     91 %
               13 years                                     56 %
               14 years                                      53 %
               15 years                                      40 %
               16 years                                      20 %
    4. Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
      1. Disregard for the time needed to nurture relationships with parents, siblings, wise older mentors.
      2. Time for Bible study and spiritual service is often sacrificed because of your dating relationship. “Oh, I couldn’t bring him to a Bible study?” But you would marry him?
    5. Dating often distracts from preparing for adult responsibilities.
      1. God requires that young men learn how to provide for their family (1 Tim. 5:8).
        1. Skills are needed which take time and work to develop.
        2. Courtship is for those who have prepared themselves to support a family.
      2. Young women are commanded by God to know how to domestically provide for their families (Titus 2:2-5).
        1. Young women caught in the dating culture spend their time on the phone, Facebook or email, or focusing on the outward appearance, rather than developing the skills necessary to be a “worker at home” as the Lord requires.
        2. Courtship is for young women who have prepared themselves to be wives and mothers.
      3. Youth is a time to focus on real fun and academic and domestic preparednessmarriage. (Eccl. 11:9 - 10) “9Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, And let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; Walk in the ways of your heart, And in the sight of your eyes; But know that for all these God will bring you into judgment. 10Therefore remove sorrow from your heart, And put away evil from your flesh, For childhood and youth are vanity.”
    6. Dating can cause discontentment with the blessings of singleness. (1 Cor. 7:32)
      1. “A string of uncommitted dating relationships is not the gift.” that God intends.
      2. Singleness provides opportunities for growth, service and learning.
    7. Dating creates an artificial environment for the evaluation of character.
      1. On best behavior on a date, involved in enjoyable activities, easy to be happy, contented.
      2. Try building something together (100 or more pieces).
      3. Premarital wall papering and canoeing rapids.
  2. Change Your Attitude and Avoid Defective Dating.
    1. Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ’s love. (1 Tim. 5:2; Titus 2:6-8)
      1. Instead of viewing self as the center of the universe, you can look for ways to bless others, by spurring them toward godliness (Ph’p. 2:3-5) See Screen
      2. (1 Thess. 4:3-6) “3It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.”
      3. Eph. 5:3- 5 “3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a man is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
      4. Courtship more perfectly shows Christ’s love. (Wait until wedding to kiss.)
      5. Young man’s pledge to his date. (Does Jesus Go on Dates with You?)
        1. The parents of my date place their trust in me. I will not violate it.
        2. I will respect this young lady as I expect other men to respect my sister.
        3. This young lady has given me the honor and pleasure of her company. It is wrong for me to expect more in payment for this date.
        4. My girlfriend will be a wife and mother someday. She must be an example to her children and the pride of her husband.   I will help her to be as pure as I want my wife to be. (“Our date today will be someone’s mate tomorrow.”)
    2. Unmarried years are a gift from God. (1 Cor. 7:32-35, 26)
      1. Until you realize the gift of singleness you’ll miss wonderful opportunities to serve.
    3. Intimacy is the reward of commitment.
      1. One does not need to pursue a romantic relationship before preparing oneself for marriage.
      2. Do not pursue love before it is time (Song of Sol. 2:7; 3:5; 8:4) “Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases.” (2:7) “young bud or flower”
      3. If you are not truly interested in marrying a specific person, why encourage that person to need you or meet your needs emotionally or physically?
    4. I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my mind or body. (1 Cor. 6:12-20).
      13 “Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body…
      18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
      19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?
      20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.”
    5. Dad’s – to whom do you give the keys to your car? Keys to your girl’s heart? 

Conclusion:

  1. Clearly the dating culture, as we know it, is not helping our young people make the best choices of a mate for life. (Ph’p.1:9-10) “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, 10 that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ,”
  2. It takes real knowledge and discernment and a willingness to counter the culture to provide a better way to help our children make the choice of a life long mate.
    1. There is a format conducive of spiritual security and emotional and intellectual maturity that is demonstrated in Scripture and proposed by those who care deeply about the well being of their children.
    2. Which will we and our children choose?